Goodbye to my American dream

Goodbye to my American dream

Jason Mraz - I Won't Give Up [Official Music Video]

The 10 habits that keep marriages strong

The 10 habits that keep marriages strong

Extreme - More Than Words

I absolutely LOVE this song! (Use it as my ringtone for my beloved)

2011 - Be Amazing!

December 31. The current year, with its joys, sorrows, celebrations. mistakes, changes, steadfastness, is drawing to a close. Persons generally choose this time of the year to wax philosophical about the year that's passed and put forward their (generally) sparkling, shiny dreams and aspirations for the coming year. This post is sorta like that - I guess it can't be helped. So bear with me.

At the start of this year, I visualized myself moving to Australia in December. I had it all worked out. John would get this wonderful job as an aircraft mechanic. He would go on ahead of the rest of us. With the school year in Australia starting in January, the boys and I would reach just in time. We'd learn how to identify poisonous snakes. I would home school our 4-year old and run my online business [yet to be determined] as I always wanted to - the uber WAHM. Well, it didn't quite happen the way it was planned. The recession became even more widespread and the jobs that were constantly being advertised in Australia, dried up.



So I made up my mind to make the best of what we had here. But the year started with a job I loved, being mutated to something I could no longer recognize and that I absolutely hated! The toll began to manifest itself on me both physically and emotionally. This resulted in my, by the close of this year, losing a whole dress size and developing insomnia. But even at the lowest point of this year, I found joy. BFFs who reminded me that they were here for me, no matter what. Colleagues who told me, unbidden, how much they enjoyed working with me. My mother who, after spending most of my life telling me how much I needed to lose weight, sent me breakfast every morning to make sure that I ate (and then giving me her own clothes to fit my now smaller frame). My husband who encouraged me to find what truly made me happy and supported me as I explored my newly rediscovered love of writing. My boys, who no matter how crazy they made me, wiped it all away by hugging me and telling me how much they loved me (with no expectation of reward - LOL). New friends who exposed me to areas I had previously not known about and with whom I plan to embark on the (new-to-me) world of web publishing in 2011.

I am about to embark on a new career path. But this year has also seen my having a greater reliance and faith in God and His determining the purpose for my life. And I intend to build on that relationship with God in 2011 and onwards.

I haven't abandoned the intention of starting my own online business. I'm in dialogue with a friend to start one. My first order of business (no pun intended) being to put aside my fear of failing and step boldly forward. In addition, not only I'm also developing my writing skills, but am also negotiating to start being paid for it. 

So, like most other persons, I have my sparkling, shiny dreams and aspirations for the coming year. I also have a deepening relationship in God that I will allow to lead me. All in all, I'm looking forward to 2011 - HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Gladys Knight - I Don't Want To Know

Absolutely powerful. Impossible to listen to and not appreciate the depth of the emotions here

LYRICS - I DON'T WANT TO KNOW


Gave you the best



Best years of my life and I


Gave you a woman


Who stood by your side


Through all your ups and downs


Your rights and all your wrongs


And God knows there were wrongs


I should've been long gone, but when I


Made you that promise


For better or worse I said I'd


Stand by your side


I swallowed my pride


And now you're asking me to understand


And I'm telling you I can't


Why should I care about your feelings


When you don't give a damn about mine






And I don't want to know


I couldn't care less about your feelings


Don't you know


You should've cared about mine


And I don't want to know


It really doesn't matter why you're leavin'


You should know


You're really throwin' away your life


And I won't sympathize


You've hurt me for the last time


Got no more tears to cry






Gave you three hearts


One boy and one girl and a


Woman who loves you


We're sittin' here falling apart


All through your ins and outs


Your fears and all your doubts


And God knows there's been doubts


But we've given you a home, and you're just


Throwing it away baby


All for some girl born yesterday


And what about your children


There is nothing to explain


But still you're asking us to understand


Well I'm telling you we can't


Why should we care about your reasons


When you're walking right out of our lives






HOOK






Say goodbye


To all the love and memories


One last time, one good look at all the love


That won't be in your life


Say goodbye


I hope that you'll be happy


Don't look back, 'cuz it'll be too late


I've gone with my life






HOOK

For coloured (and other) girlz . . .

Last Friday, my BFFs and I decided to see the movie every woman has been talking about, Tyler Perry's "For Colored Girls". The movie was creating quite the buzz and everyone had just one thing to say, "Prepare to bawl". 

The movie, as expected, was a hard watch. There were experiences that the women went through, that were a little too close to home for easy viewing. Around me, I heard women, including one of my friends, sniffling at various points in the movie. I kept waiting on my own tears to start - but it wasn't happening. And then came THAT scene!

* * * * SPOILER ALERT * * * * For those of you who haven't yet seen the movie (and plan to) it is advisable that you stop reading now.

THAT scene was the one where the mother of two young children watched (helplessly) as her emotionally damaged boyfriend literally dropped them out the 5th floor window of their apartment building. Oh man! Watching that scene was like getting a solid punch to the stomach. I couldn't breathe!! It didn't help that, from the very start of the movie, I had noted the resemblance of the younger child to my own 4 year old. For a split second, while watching that scene, I had a hard time separating the two in my mind.

Then, thank God, came intermission.

Around me, the sniffling heard earlier had now progressed to soft sobbing. I looked around with some degree of disbelief. Crying? CRYING!! Hell no! I was mad as hell!! The children's mother in this movie had every indication that their father was a ticking time bomb. While in the movie, and in real life, it's difficult to find alternate arrangements when you're a working mother, isn't there a point where the safety of our kids takes precedence? No matter the difficulties involved?

I spent the rest of the movie, barely containing my bubbling anger. And there were so many things to be angry about:-

• the silly young girl who gets pregnant because she didn't have the sense to use a rubber (sweetie, haven't you heard of HIV/AIDS? Pregnancy is almost the lesser of two evils here);
• the mature woman who allows the "wuckless" man to take advantage of her (are we really that afraid of being alone?);
• the rapist who practiced the 4 F's (it was so textbook, everyone was already seeing what was inevitably going to happen);
• the career woman who was so wrapped up in her money and position that she emasculated her husband in more ways than one (oooh - that one was REALLY hard to watch).

I was angry at ALL of them and visions of pick-axe sticks being wielded on someone's (OK - some man's) head kept swirling through my head.

Later, while recounting that part of the movie to my husband and venting about how angry it made me, he, with some degree of irritation, asked why was I was so upset.  After all, it was just a movie! Then I saw this TIME.com headline - Police: Dad Killed Woman, 2 Girls, Self. You see - it's not just a movie. It's every day life. I know that women, for various reasons, put up with abuse. But, my belief is that when children are involved, you do all that's required to keep them safe. That, at minimum, is our commitment to our children.

I know that I'm blessed that my children are safe, cherished and not in danger at home. I am thankful to God for that. But my anger burns for those women who can't, or won't, guarantee their children the same things. Rather than spending the time crying (the mother in the movie was in almost constant tears after losing her kids), let's have enough anger burn in us to ensure that no other child ends up paying the ultimate price because of us - coloured girlz or otherwise.

Oh, and by the way, if I had been the woman in THAT scene, believe me, the next person going through that window would have been the man. No court would ever convict me!