Reclaiming ME . . .

I bought a book yesterday! Actually I bought TWO!! Murder mystery novels - my favourite kinds. Big hairy deal, you may be saying. Well, actually, for me it is. Here's why . . .

I haven't read a book for fun in so long I actually can't remember the last time. That bothers me a LOT. Reading has been an integral part of my life all my life. For me .. it was the greatest escape. When I was lost in a book, a megaton bomb could go off beside me and I probably wouldn't hear it.

I was never seen without a book. Some 30 years later, I still have childhood friends who comment that one of the enduring memories they have of me is that I was always reading. Luckily for me, I had a Mom who was also known for loving to read. So, she encouraged us as kids to read and fed this addiction by always getting us more books. One of her favourite stories is one where we had walked to town (we lived in "the country") and she bought us our latest issues of Nancy Drew (me) and Hardy Boys (my brother). On our walk back we read our books - finishing them before we reached back home.

So what happened that caused my absolute love of reading to falter? I was discussing this with a friend who gave me my "A-ha" moment. She mentioned that she stopped reading for fun after her daughter was born. That was it! And I know why too. A lot of pregnancy books tell you that after having a baby you will find yourself to be VERY fatigued. Babies are very demanding they say and they are right. Your time is not your own. Your attention span becomes very limited as you're always on for the baby. I remember growing to love CNN's Headline News as I got news in little nuggets - all I could manage at a time. Losing myself in a book became a casualty of my being a new mom.

But it became the first of many things I sacrificed as I tackled the triple threat of being a good wife, mom and career woman. Little by little, I lost ME. I no longer did what I wanted - I did what was good for my husband, my kids, my job. Although they didn't demand this of me, I felt that the ME was expendable, and besides - wasn't this my role now?

This past year, perhaps triggered by my milestone birthday, I decided, "Enough!". I started searching for ME - little by little reclaiming the things that used to make me happy. So I started going to movies by myself like I used to before I met my husband. I bought new make-up, I started getting my nails done. I even signed up for a short writing course (writing was another childhood love). All the things that preceded being a wife and mom. And I realized that I wasn't abandoning my family or even my career. I was enriching them by reclaiming ME.


So - like I used to do, I'm curling up in bed, happily immersed in a book and feeling more peaceful. Yay ME!